Friday, October 03, 2008

To lay off or not to lay off, that is the question



After a number of lost weekends and unsuccessful business trips, the ever intrepid entrepreneur Lyndon James is back in the thick of things with a new self help project. Based on the model masterminded by Bill Wilson, Lyndon hopes to put the fun back into sobriety with this list of the things that just taste better without the tequila shot.


10 reasons to lay off the sauce for awhile
1. daily sounds start to come come back;
2. keys, wallet and cell phone are surprisingly in their proper place;
3. fewer mysterious bruises and side pains;
4. 2" come off your girth from less gas;
5. you can smell your coffee and taste food;
6. the aneurysm egg yoke in your brain is gone;
7. no more forced sexual sessions with your wife at 4:30 am
8. moisturer skin;
9. you start finding $20's in your clean laundry;
10. you will start feeling sexier about yourself....

But in a typical yet brilliant businessman hedge he has now released his list of reasons to get back on the bottle. Talk about book sales!

10 reasons NOT to lay off the sauce for awhile
1. more wild rides;
2. the night is your friend again;
3. chance encounters increase ten fold;
4. because your more fun when you do;
5. gateway adventures come into full play;
6. late night porn becomes one of your major hobbies;
7. finding lost items becomes fun and rewarding;
8. nudity becomes a natural part of your personality;
9. no more bad dreams;
10. life seems more like living..

To lay off? Or not to lay off?


And keep in mind that unlike Michael Jordan with the shoes and Lance Armstrong with the bike, Lyndon doesn't need the booze to make it happen. Roll video.

9 comments:

felix said...

we need him on the white monster. otherwise he is no good to us

scazi said...

he should jump on the wagon... and keep jumping on it and stomping it until it's just a splintered mess.

joseph cotton said...

what song is that he is dancing to in the car?

Anonymous said...

the whole fun of stockbauer involves him drinking

Leslie said...

Either way: I scared. :)

Sipes said...

i saw this guy grab a pitcher out of one guy's hand and throw it at the fence and splattering beer all over a black chick. i hope he lays off. more for the rest of us

josh knowles said...

i vote for lay OFF

L|p$ said...

If you picked list A: FAIL.

itssue said...

getting the sense of smell back is pretty nice, though.

 

the running mule

the running mule