Friday, December 29, 2006

Bye Bye Now!

Saddam Hussein Abd al-Majid al-Tikriti was a total fuckhead but killing is killing and you have wonder whose door the karma police will be knocking on next.

New Chemical Romance?

For the Holidays everyone who works in the VICE NYC office heads home to St. Augustine or Sag Harbor to frolick with old boyfriends out of sight of the curious Interns stuck here at the Central Office. But the Canadians, and in particular Québécois, rarely tread far from home, content to take pleasure from the familiar hands that feed. God Bless spooning!

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Thobey Makes A Sale!

We hadn't seen him this happy since he found his ring at the Strip House.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Say It Ain't Show, Schouten

Pedophilia is a touchy subject. Zing! No, but really. Its one of those topics that’s way too sensitive to debate even for VICE. Try justifying or even rationalizing why pedophiles do the things they do and rest assured you’ll get awkward looks and a slurry of curse words hurled at you quicker than you can say 10 year old. Hangouts will be a thing of the past my friend.

In spite of this, it seems a couple of VICE staffers missed the memo on this social faux pas. Not 4 months ago marketing manager and Canadian publishing darling at large, Ryan Archibald commented on how he “understood why pedophiles love kids”. Naturally this drew WTF’s and an overall sense of uneasiness by fellow coworkers and passerbys. In a futile attempt to defend his statement, Archi reeled “…no…well everyone likes things fresh. You can understand that right?” Keep in mind this conversation took place in a Vegas pool at 11am with kids frolicking left and right.

More recently the pedophile syndrome seemed to regain its momentum in the Toronto office when newcomer Jon “Shit Show” Schouten was caught consorting with a 15year old. Yes, in the office. Professionalism aside, Shit Show maintains that her true age was unbeknownst and any clear indicators thatshe was not of age were nonexistent. Except for the profuse usage of “like”, the young boyish figure and her obsession with Pete Wentz we couldn’t agree with Shit Show any more.

The icing on the cake though, came in the form of a lengthy letter mailed in by Shit Show’s debutante. Hand written, bubbly cursive and sealed in a one-off envelope made out of her math textbook, a 3 page heart to heart details this young girls undying love for Canada’s very own My-Little-Pony Cassanova. Love that young stuff?

Monday, December 25, 2006

Why We Love Santa!

This Christmas gift is one I had been waiting for all year. And while many of you may have gotten to open your gifts early I was more than content to find Mr McInnes passed out under my tree this very pagan holiday morning. Like virgin births?

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Santa's Little Urchins

The thing about elves is they come in all shapes and sizes while the thing about VICE is that all the worker bees look pretty much the same; therefore, we have to ID the drones with handy forehead tags to keep them from being mistaken for the Queens. Like divisions of labor?

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

ABC Television meet the Vice Broadcasting System

Check out VICE Magazine in this ABC news piece featuring the boys and their home movies. Of course, the commericial preceding is rightfully rigged to funnel revenue into the VICE coiffers, which in turn keeps the NYC office superstars swimming in well deserved free beer and hot soup dumplings. But hey, that's capitalism boys and girls and those dumplings are fucking scrumptious.

Look for VBS to blow your mind to smithereens very soon. Viva La VICE Squab.

the running mule

the running mule