Monday, February 27, 2006

The Kissing Bandit

Billy Moore is the latest in a long line of love 'em and leave 'em male VICE interns. By official count, he has now made out with six interns and one gainfully employed addVice babe. Whoever can correctly name the lucky gals who have tickled Bensonhurst Bill's golden tonsils will win one bottle of wine from Thobey's wine cellar and a free trip to the nearest automated photo booth for a reenactment. Like making out? Play Bill's guessing game.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

End Of Another Era

For years James Stockbauer used to have parties during SXSW but alas it appears that bit of insanity has gone the way of so many good things in Austin. Now that he owns a a burgeoning bar empire, home entertaining has become a bit of a bother and 80 bucks won't get you the friends it used to. So I'll just say it, Party Cancelled. Some fantastic times were had at his Victorian Splendor and it's a sad bit of news to report but the show must go on-- it's just gonna have to go on over there a ways.

UPDATE: Some new and exciting research may lend light to the real reason this party was cancelled. Like jumping to conclusions?

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Beer Babes

Whenever you go to a party you should always look for the chicks drinking beer first. They are easier to deal with and more fun than girls who insist upon drinking premium vodka. (The only exception is if the vodka is being consumed as Jello shots. Just count to 10, throw these babes on your shoulder--one on each--and lurch back to your cave.) In general, beer drinkers eat less healthier than wine drinkers, so buying her dinner will cost a fraction. Plus, how dazzling do they look when backdropped with cases upon cases of PBR? Beer drinking from bottles or cans is preferred, or cups only in the case of a kegger. However, if your mark has poured her beer from the bottle into a cup, best to steer clear. Too much maintenance already, and you know she is the type who travels with three knock-off Burberry roller suitcases instead of just a toothbrush. Girls who are pouring the beer from the keg are worth their weight in gold. Chances are, she'll be up for bringing you coffee in bed.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

VICE Records Goes Reggae?

Why is it that so many people who dig popular music love to get up on the weed? You worry sometimes that A&R gurus are so stoned when they see bands that they will sign anyone with a chick in the band and a spare e-z wider. But when recording studios turn into grow rooms you know that either these guys love reggae more than is healthy or their thumbs are so green that even a few spilt seeds lead to cash crops of unprecedented potency and lushness. Like horticulture?

Monday, February 20, 2006

Feliz Cumpleaños

The editor of VICE Germany, Hector Muelas, celebrated his birthday last night in Berlin with some of that nasty Chinese liquor that makes the world seem to warble at the knees. The party included the usual German pratfalls of nudity and senseless jokes. What may immediately jump out at you about our german mainstay is that Hector is Spanish as opposed to German but then again he's a filmmaker by trade and his red pencil work is merely a small part of what makes him a MySpace favorite worldwide. ¿Como trabajos múltiple?

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Outsourcerers Abroad

One upon a time Jake Burghart, David Cross, Trace Crutchfield and Gavin Miles McInnes went to China to launch an apple pie manufacturing venture. You may be surprised to see how things turned out.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Narcissists and Oral Fixations: Heady Days at addVice Marketing Services

Who knows what is in the water over there, but something, um, fishy is going on for sure! Our online operatives have sent us this great screengrab of the addVice Cinderella's musical proclivities. Like coke-fueled egomania? Suck this.

POSTED BY: John Martin

Wedding Bell Curves

Spotted at the VICE Brodeo in San Diego was our second favourite Jamaican Asian / Semetic couple, Jill Meisner and VICE's Nick Yin-Chen. We won't comment on his expression, but just check out the look on her face! She's picturing 3 children with perfect teeth, a two bathroom apartment on Gramercy Park and summers in the Hamptons. In a room full of gay cowboys, she really zeroed in on a winner. Emphasis on the ZERO. Like matrimony?

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Happy Hunting Honey

So VICE UK editor Andy Capper, the tall bastard in the middle, had his birthday on February 14th, but no one seems to have noticed. If a birthday candle is burning in the wind and no one sees it, well, you get the obtuse point. It's sad, but sometimes couples forget these things in the hustle and bustle of the modern world. The only hitch is that when your birthday falls on Valentine's Day, it seems unlikely a woman would forget. Don't you imagine? This seems one of the biggest arguments against same sex marriages or relationships so centered on debauchery and financial success that you forget to even tell each other your last names before the pregnancies and private school tuitions roll in, forever inuring yourself to a life of forgotten occasions and missed Valentines. Ain't love grand!

Monday, February 13, 2006

International Date Lines

Sometimes flying around the world can make you crazy with jet lag and at other times it has no effect whatsoever. These three maginificent specimens were spotted after a long trip bogged down unexpectedly in cosmopolitan San Francisco. Seen shirtless and a bit stunned at the notorious EndUp at three on a Friday afternoon, one instantly wonders whether they had been up all night or were they merely getting an early jump on Friday evening? I don't know. But I do know that the EndUp is a gay bar open virtually non-stop and well known throughout "the community" as a clearinghouse for east asian crystal meth. The good stuff, you know, vice without the v, a particular blend of go-fast that will have you so wired for so long that the mere sight of a bed will elicit howls of delerious laughter from a user. What these three clean cut kids were looking for or how long they struggled against the prevailing winds of the EndUp are questions beyond the reach of this intern's table. Like blurred lines?

Monday, February 06, 2006

Shanghaied in Shanghai

China is real humdinger of a place. The television is full of the most absurd cartoon characterizations, the streets are teaming with stuff that can turn even studly videographers into sci-fi warlords and every menu is replete with bull penises and hot pot dog. For tourist-businessmen it's very easy to accomplish the most difficult tasks here while the simplest things could take weeks. Simple requests fall on a thousand deaf ears, but a single simple mistake is taken to great magnitudes... they only hear what they want to hear.

Drunken Rabble

Sometimes in the pursuit of booze we've all been known to push down old people or belly our way past the burgeoning hipsters. But blindly backhanding fellow patrons is absurd. Here the irrepressible John Martin can been seen sending VICE elder statesman Trace Crutchfield ass over teakettle off a Greenpoint barstool. The excuse: I was reaching for my beer! Critical lunacy indeed.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

VICE's Non-Employee of the Year

Eric, formerly of Fenchurch and now of DVS/Lakai/Matix Europe, is our favorite non-employee and the person continually asked more about VICE Magazine than VICE employees at trade shows. That could be because the hired hands are usually too hungover too speak or they have yet to sneak out of some whore's flat to get back to the work of Media. Que lastima! Anyway this is Eric in our office during the Bread and Butter tradeshow. Despite his menacing appearance, he's as gentle as a giant. Currently he can be found in Berlin subsisting on the traditional fare of sausage salad and beir, though it could be pils, bock, dunkel, hell, or weizen if he is really desperate, and T. Drucker's vodka is spent. And you wonder why they lost the war.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006


the running mule

the running mule