Tuesday, October 21, 2008

America's Funniest Team: The Dallas Cowboys

The gold plated turnip truck that brought Jerry Jones to Dallas seems to be suffering during this gasoline crunch. Besides the injury to Romo, TO's flakery and PacMan's boozy breakdown somebody is syphoning off the corn squeezins that traditionally fuel the Cowboy bandwagon. Unfortunately, this current spiral seems driven by a lack of old-school Irving, Texas mayhem. Can someone please put the funniest back in America's Team?

This humorless situation necessitates a reminder of the glory days when Dallas was synonmous with super shootingstars like Rafael Septien and Lance Rentzel. Or the manical Charles Haley constantly stroking himself. Of course, our all time favorite Cowboy move remains Thomas Henderson snorting cocaine during Super Bowl XIII. Digging your dope out of your sock on the sideline of a televised football game just nudges Michael Irvin showing up for court in a full length mink coat on charges with possession of coke in the company of hookers. We can all sympathize with escapism but what we won't tolerate is boring.

Today both the high flying good times and the proficient footballing are gone. Where have you gone Dandy Don? Or even Barry Switzer? PacMan Jones is just a poor excuse for a delinquent. And that's got to be somebody's fault. The best the Cowboys have today is a narcissitic health nut in TO, a quarterback so sweet he dates the dumbest girl in the room and an owner too crazy to actually be believed. Chutzpah? Anyone? Actually, Jerry Jones is a pretty entertaining freak show but for chrissakes, does anybody have Pete Gents number ?

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Anonymous said...

I just read a similar story at The Wasinhgton Post about the Dallas Cowboys's party house called, The White House

Chris said...

Jerry Jones says the new Cowboys stadium he is building will, in time, be as recognizable as the White House. Dallas Cowboys #1

Cowboy Bob said...

Charles Haley jacking off in Joe Montana's face is really to much for a Cowboy fan to hope for. Thank you for the image.

Lil Wayne said...

Poor Dallas. And poor T.O. He's gonna quit. He takes a loss differently than anyone on that team. I think he has nightmares about losing or something, because he looks like he's about to cry after every game they lose. You see him over there on the sidelines sitting by himself just pouting like a little kid. Remember last year? "That's my quarterback, man." I love when any sports channel just brings that clip back for no reason. They always bring it back for nothing, just out of the blue "That's my quarterback, man." T.O. is an amazing talent but he's definitely a situation. But that's another difference between the old days and now. Back then there's no way you play football and then go cry on TV.

It ain't Brad Johnson's fault. Everything is falling apart. I think Brad came into a bad situation. To tell you the truth I think the team sucks. I think everybody is playing terribly right now in Dallas. Or at least they're not playing to the potential that we know they can play to. I don't think it's all on Brad Johnson even though he was terrible too.

Anonymous said...

Everything is lamer in Texas.


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the running mule