Pushed-Ups

This following story appeared on the world wide internet on August 26th:

The Annual Push-Up Contest was held yesterday at Vice. Good stuff. Gavin, Trevor, Saul, Bryce, Dietz (who removed his dress shoes and had stellar Jack Lelaine form), Thobey, Suroosh, Eric ("He's a doughboy!"--Melissa, "He's a croissant!"--Gavin. Eric is French Canadian), Jesse, and Thomas all competed. Saul was in the lead with 47 for awhile, but then Thobey, the youngest and most spritely, did 51 in a cross-legged pose.

Though this event predates 'Rumors,' it paints an accurate representation of the misdirected machismo permeating this place. Luckily, one of the minions, Sue Smith, recorded the results. What I find interesting about the report is who's missing from the challenge. The traditional heavy hitters of the company were either nowhere to be found or, say it ain't so, afraid to compete. Those AWOL include no less than the three stooges of VICE: John Martin, Ryan Duffy and Shane Smith. And before you get all worked up into a no push-uping lather, I am not referrring to the Moe, Larry, and Curley, stooges, but the more idiotic ones from Detroit, who thought playing in a Doors cover band with Jimmy Osterburg was the cat's meow.