More Booze Please

NASCAR was founded by illegal car driving bootleggers so I find it hilarious that last year's champion was kicked off his team for alledgedly driving recklessly and being under the influence while hot rodding around outside the Phoenix International Raceway. Kurt Busch was pulled over for trying to avoid another car and running a stop sign. Officers said he smelled of alcohol and became belligerent. Busch was not cited for alcohol; a breath test was inconclusive because the device failed. So isn’t that called innocent in America?

One of the pioneers in the bootlegging business was Junior Johnson, who went on to become one of the most successful NASCAR drivers of all time. Truthfully, this sport would probably have more fans if the guys were required to take a snootful of corn squeezin’s at every pit stop. In a world of nothing but left turns an added degree of difficulty would be welcomed.

When I was a kid my dad taught me to keep an unopened pint of whiskey under my seat in case I was ever pulled over in a similar circumstance. He said in the event, I should calmly get out of the car and in full view of the cops break the seal and drink the whole pint down. Then in a show of abject seriousness smash the bottle on the ground and say loudly, “That is the first drink I have had all night.” On my own I thought to add a short silent prayer that I wouldn’t be shot.

The never-ending irony here is that of liquor mega-giant Diageo, which sponsors Busch’s car with its Crown Royal whiskey brand. They stated, “Diageos does not condone this type of behavior from anyone affiliated with our brands or our business.” Nice support dickheads. I am certainly glad those hypocrites never knew about that Crown Royal under my seat or no pathetic little prayer to the gods could have protected me from such shade tree businessmen and their protectorate minions.