Wednesday, November 09, 2005

The Case of the Violated Garbage

A long time ago Gavin's wife left a huge bag of shoes at the VICE office because they had been rejected by Beacon's Closet. He let Melissa have a go at them because she has the same shoe size as his wife and she was thrilled. She thinks his wife's shoes are "cute"...

“Thank you Gavin for the shoes! Emily and I have the same Yeti-sized feet and her shoes are incredibly cute.”

That is why, a few days ago, Melissa popped into his mind as he eyed several gigantic bags of clothes, shoes and purses left in the hallway after his wife had done a massive clean out. So naturally he contacted Melissa and told her she could pillage them before he took everything to the trash. Again she was thrilled. As she crudely put it when he invited her to come by...

“Gavin, I totally absolutely with out a doubt want a poke.
Please?!?!!?!!!!!”

All he asked was one measely favor in return. He told her to ask, "Hey Emily, do you have any tights? I sometimes feel that I'm too small for my tights." It's an inside joke between Emily and Gavin based on a time she bought tights that were too small and couldn't fit in them and he accidentally said, "Are you too big for your tights?" It's become a
sensitive topic that Gavin can't resist going back to again and again.
Gavin made it very clear to Melissa that failure to comply with his wishes would mean being cut off from the hand-me-down train. He told Melissa she could apologize immediately afterwards and tell Emily that Gavin had made her say it but she ignored everything he said and went through the clothes with nary a peep.

When Gavin met his wife for a movie last night she was happy as a clam. He asked her how it went with Melissa and she had no idea what he was talking about. Gavin was furious. When he came into work today he roared at Melissa for her negligence and all she had to say was, "Bryce agreed that it would have been bad.” Pathetic. Gavin and to a certain extent all of us feel betrayed by Melissa and will not be offering her any other digs in our garbage. To augment this posting Gavin is presently working on a video treatment of this story that will be divided into an 8 part series a la R. Kelly's Trapped in The Closet.

1 comment:

Maria said...

Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait... Gavin McInnes has a wife?

 

the running mule

the running mule