Friday, December 09, 2005

Sleepy LaBoeuf

Erik Lavoie (pronounced LaWOW for the obvious reason) is perhaps the most storied VICE Magazine employee after the Big Three. Erik Lavoie is a frog, or more specifically a pepper, which really only means that he is a French-Canadian poutine-loving descendant of pirates and prostitutes. Not so complicated, eh? His devotion to VICE, in league with a preternatural knack for the most devilishly-constructed tactics, has taken him to the top of this here heap. He is worldwide, and that's no lie. On occasion, however, even Erik Lavoie has a bad showing. These bouts are marked by blurred vision and a hyper-vagueness. In concert with acute drowsiness and a propensity to lose money and phone, you have the making of a 'Coconuts moment.' Recently he became discombobulated after a couple shots of swish and a handful of tranks mistaken for bennies. He was teetering around the dance floor like a geriatric carnival barker on a DDR and for much of the night all he could say was, "J'ai-tu l'air fatigué?" No one had any idea what he was asking but everyone agreed he certainly looked tired.

At one point he nodded off on top the of dynamic Yoshimi. She plays drums for the Boredoms and is a huge underground rock star in Japan. When Erik Lavoie's sweaty mane dropped to her shoulder mid-sentence she must have felt as if she had bored her first person half dead. For goodness sake, even the perpetually-dusted Flaming Lips could stay awake long enough to put something together with this chick. Can you spell intervention, or even Maxwell House? The rest of the night's cat naps in bathrooms and long swims in shallow pools aren't worth mentioning because Erik Lavoie is our man and VICE will follow him anywhere. Plus, he cuddles well. Let's just make sure there is some coffee handy next time.

Soit pas fourrē par cet demonstration embarassant. Erik est la meme mec de VICE Publishing. Nous on produit seulement des reveus qui portes sur les passions D’Erik Lavoie.

13 comments:

martine said...

thats not Yoshimi you dumb asses thats eriks girlfriend Mayumi

SKy MacDougal said...

Lawow bouts also bring on side-effects as far-ranging as absolute bankruptcy and complete lack of information. Like Sleeeping?

Anonymous said...

who needs brad pitt? erik lavoie is the sexiest man alive

Anonymous said...

hottest guy EVER

mayumi said...

please, everyone calm down. erik lavoie is TAKEN.

paul yeates said...

hottest guy ever...yeah he is irresistable to 5ft 2' asians. all hail the king of rice!

Ito said...

I'll have 4 of what Lawow had that night. Like DJing?

sky macdougal said...

He's fake-sleeping, I can tell. This site is bullshit. She's not Asian. They're not in Vegas. Erik's not French. Mayumi is a figment of the popular imagination fabricated in order to quell the public's thirst for more Lawow. Like naysaying?

tammy wong said...

thats not mayumi, god dammit. that's me, tammy wong. if i have to have that crazy, limp dick french canadian's greasy hair draped across my face, i want credit.

aletheapanda said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
nitram said...

"hey, you guys wanna see a canadian die tonight?"
-lawow (regarding himself, and the drugs we were doing)

ryan duffy said...

thanks for the jeans, tammie! i wear them every day

the truth said...

what could mayume possibly see in him? a winning personality? good hygeine?

 

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