Let Sleeping Dogs Lie For Fuckin' Godsake

Here at VICE they make all new employees, even us lowly interns, sign a host of legal docs, one is a confidentiality agreement to protect corporate secrets like Andy Capper's hushed penchant for walking in circles on LSD, another is a non-compete agreement, so none of us immediately rush over to Teen Beat after getting our feelings hurt by Timothy, plus a notarized affidavit swearing we believe in both Good and Evil, for the obvious reasons.

Personally, I have no problem believing in the Devil. And though I am not afraid of him or worried about him sticking his crooked nose into my business, I am pretty content to avoid provoking him. No so complicated, eh? Throwing sticks in cages can result in gunplay or worse. And that's what is so funny about religious people; they are constantly provoking their enemy. Most of us learn to avoid this shit in primary school. Ignore the bully; just walk away, your mum will tell you. These lessons will be put to test hundreds of times in a life and mostly they are the smart play. Why do you think everyone in New York is reading all the time? Because they like books? No. It's because they know the moment they catch the Devil's eye with a wayward glance there will be hell to pay.

But apparently Muslims are never taught this simple lesson. In fact, it's a mandatory tenet of Islam to make the Haj to Mecca once in a life and while there cast stones at the Devil. Okay. Now I understand that people need beliefs but if I was to throw rocks at every perceived devil in this hellhole, I am certain I'd have a dead arm and probably a dead rest of me to boot. So when this strategy backfires the common refrain is to blame the victim by proclaiming the devil made me do it but in reality didn't someone just trip over their jalaba on the way to the party?