Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Better Hitting Through Team Chemistry

Who really cares if athletes use performance enhancing drugs? Seriously? In the same vein as legalization of recreational drugs would negate the violence associated with their distribution, letting athletes hit Deca-Durabolin or Androstenedione with impunity would obfuscate the uneasiness of sport's great moments. Everyone could be a Marion Jones. She was incredible, right? If steroids can make an average athlete a super athlete and a super athlete legendary or a sad sack franchise like the Red Sox champions, I say go for it. All's fair in love and war. Why not sports?

So if Manny Rameriz wants to take woman's fertility drugs or Dock Ellis drops LSD or even if Wade Boggs wants to eat nothing but fried chicken for chrissakes, who am I to give a whit. Guys can play drunk or goofed on coke, a la Thomas "Hollywood" Henderson, for all I care because this is America and what athletes do in the privacy of their own bloodstream is none of my business. Just hit the damn ball and pass me another VitaminWater.

And the wonderful animated telling of Dock Ellis' no-hitter is a must see baseball fan.

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2 comments:

Lyle Alzado said...

If the juice can get a guy ladies like in the picture with Arnold, what guy wouldn't give it a squirt?

Ty said...

Exactly. Who gives a shit except for the very small lobby of parents whose kids died from taking steroids? Jesus, they're as bad as the crazy anti-vaccine wingnut lobby who STILL believe that trace mercury causes autism. WE ALREADY INVENTED SCIENCE. Sorry your kid's fucked. I really am but...you need to bark up a real tree (Jenny McCarthy I'm talking to you).

SNL nailed it decades ago with the all-drug Olympics™. I want 30 homers and Joe Theismann breaks every game. Especially if I'm paying $300/seat. Take EVERY fucking thing necessary to entertain my ass.

As far as your kids? Raise your kids. Lyle Alzado and Charles Barkley shouldn't.

 

the running mule

the running mule