Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Roger Goodell Won't Stop Dogin' Michael Vick

Before Michael Vick can be welcomed back to the NFL, Commissioner Roger Goodell expects a genuine display of remorse, contrition from the tainted QB to assuage sportsfans' ethical qualms. OK, let me see if I have this straight. For actions off the field involving dog fighting, Vick was sentenced to prison for two years, lost his livelihood and his fortune and now that he's set to be released, they're worried he no longer posses the moral fiber to run up and down the gridiron on Sunday afternoons with an inflated pig bladder under his arm. WTF?

Vick is undoubtedly a dumbass and a criminal but come on man, we're talking about dogs. He trained them to fight to the death, he killed the injured ones and culled those he considered weak. All for fun. Weird shit to be sure but the army trains humans to kill one another unswervingly, horse trainers and even farmers dispatch injured horses without a second thought and, oh yea, ever wonder what happens to all the Chinese baby girls? I am not making excuses for him but crazier shit goes down all the time. And after all, he doesn't want reinstatement to the Court of St James, he wants to play football, one of the most violent and inhumane activities on the planet.

Vick's debt to society will have been paid upon release from Federal Prison on May 20 but it appears he'll have to further placate Goodell and the not so silent animal-loving majority. My suggestion is that Michael Vick take his apology straight to those who really deserve it. That's right, the whole animal kingdom. Picture this: a prime time, NFL branded, Dr Doolitle styled press conference broadcast via satellite to every zoo, savannah, SPCA and Lion Country Safari in the world. Vick can grovel and announce he's realized the error of his ways, proclaim his adoption of the vegan lifetsyle as a consequence and, upon reinstatement to the league, will refuse on principle to play with leather footballs. Vick's ethical call for synthetic game balls will repair the rift between animal rights activists and football fans, open a whole new market of hippies to Goodell's PR juggernaut, plus negate Players' Union's fears about swine flu exposure. He'd be killing two birds with one stone. That is if we were talking about the old Michael Vick.

2 comments:

Ty said...

Good call but Vick isn't going to give up meat (ribs? fried chx?) for football. Doesn't compute in his cost:benefit analysis.

But he should send Goodell a puppy all 1950s Norman Rockwell Franlin Mint collector plate® shoebox with holes in the top and shit.

And he can take PETA leadership to Ruth's Chris.

Anonymous said...

dogs are a drag

 

the running mule

the running mule