Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Have You Seen This Man's Ring?

From: Thobey C

Subject: Morning Quandry

Good Morning VICE Office,

I am writing in regards to a very dire and befuddling situation that
occurred yesterday afternoon in the office.

As some of you may or may not remember, there were 8 bald men here yesterday meeting with Nadine, all of whom happened to bare an uncanny resemblance to each other. To be more clear, one (1) of them was meeting with Nadine; seven (7) of them were students from Denmark....!(?)

I was in the west-wing washroom during a small portion of their visit. When I came out, one of these said men was standing outside the door waiting, acceptable. As chances would have it, I left my very special VICE ring in the washroom. By the time I had developed the wherewithal to retrieve the ring it had disappeared, as had the Danish camp of genetic experimentees.

For reasons I can't get into right now, I have a picture of some of these Danish agents. I believe the culprit to be the one with the black jacket on at the far left-side of the photo.

Before I take the necessary steps to apprehend him, I need to know that no one else in the office found my ring. If so, I would greatly appreciate it if you could drop it off on my desk. Anonymous return policy may be in effect if need be.

Thank you,

Thobey C.
97 North 10th Street
Suite 202
Brooklyn, NY 11211
718.599.3101 x 1136; c: 917.592.4108

The Usual Suspects?


john said...

Encyclopedia Brown is on the case! Like jumping to conclusions?

Anonymous said...

i saw the ring on the windowsill of the west-wing bathroom at aprox 5:30 pm.

Anonymous said...

I wish you posted the picture of the Danish Dazzlers that Bleaux-dawg included in the email.

gavin said...

I love when people are unable to admit they fucked up and instantly assume it's some stranger's fault. "I can't have lost my ring. I'm Thobey Campion. I never do anything stupid. It must be the Belgians."

Anonymous said...

why take off the ring? trying to get busy with a rival magazine in the bathroom and didn't want them to see you were already soiled? i mean taken.

Anonymous said...

who will be Bilbo, Gandalf and Gollum in the VICE journey to Middle Earth to bring back the ring?

Anonymous said...

obviously if the ring was on the windowsill, not the sink, it was taken off in wiping prep. therefore, the unspoken and highly intriguing revelation here is that thobey campion is the much-whispered about Secret Shitter: the backroom worker who sneaks around the corner to the front bathroom for fear of wafting oders and consquent embarassment, much to the chagrin of melissa et al. we've uncovered one masked man, who's next?

shawn said...

I'm sure the other Green Lanterns will arrive on Earth soon to help you look.

Anonymous said...

that isn't diamond, is it? look more like something else.

Nick said...

Jesus you are a fucking tool.

Anonymous said...

i saw that swede come out of the bathroom and he was all spent and red in the face. draw your own conclusions.


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the running mule