Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Operation Condor

This is the text of a certified but fake letter concocted for giggles after a debaucherous visit to NYC by Mr Flakebower. It's certified date marked the beginning of the incessant lawyering associated with legal treachery. The names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Mr. Jameson Flakebower
**** Newtown
South Austin, TX

May 23, 2006

Dear Mr. Flakebower:

This letter serves to inform you that you have been identified in surveillance tapes as being in criminal possession of a suspected controlled substance.

In compliance with New York City’s “Operation Condor” narcotics enforcement drive, surveillance cameras have been installed at Blue Ribbon Sushi Restaurant as one of the known locations where public drug use occurs. On the evening of Sunday, April 2, 2006, you were captured on tape inhaling what appears to be a controlled substance. Our staff members identified you in conjunction with credit card records.

Blue Ribbon Sushi, as well as all of the Blue Ribbon restaurants in New York City, are proud to participate in narcotics enforcement. Bruce and Eric Bromberg, founders of the Blue Ribbon Group, were deeply saddened by the loss of their younger sister, Emily, to an overdose of heroin in 2004, and have since fully enlisted themselves in the fight against drugs, both at their restaurants, and in their daily lives.

As a resident of Austin, TX you are not a core target for the narcotics enforcement operation. Therefore, we have referred your case to the Travis County Drug Diversion Court in Texas.

It is your responsibility to contact the intake counselor assigned to your case, Geri Coyle, at (512)
854-9830, where you will be given “A Chance to Change” and enrolled in the S.H.O.R.T. program (System of Healthy Options for Release and Transition). The Travis County Drug Diversion is located at 205 West 9th St., Suite 500, Austin, TX.

The Drug Diversion Court is a year-long program that offers a broad array of treatment referrals and in-house alcohol and drug education classes. Any and all charges will be dropped with the successful completion of the S.H.O.R.T. Program.

It is imperative that you contact your intake counselor, Geri Coyle, lest criminal charges be levied against you. If you fail to comply with this mandate, Blue Ribbon Restaurant Group will proceed with legal action. This proceeding will also target your business, and any property you might own.

It is the belief of Bruce and Eric that their sister could have been saved by the right intervention, and they encourage all drug users to seek treatment and take self-responsibility for becoming and remaining drug free.

I hope you will seek help, Mr. Flakebower, before your career, your family and your life is ended by drugs.


Chloe Hopkins
Community Relations
Blue Ribbon Sushi Group

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the running mule

the running mule