Say It Ain't Show, Schouten

Pedophilia is a touchy subject. Zing! No, but really. Its one of those topics that’s way too sensitive to debate even for VICE. Try justifying or even rationalizing why pedophiles do the things they do and rest assured you’ll get awkward looks and a slurry of curse words hurled at you quicker than you can say 10 year old. Hangouts will be a thing of the past my friend.

In spite of this, it seems a couple of VICE staffers missed the memo on this social faux pas. Not 4 months ago marketing manager and Canadian publishing darling at large, Ryan Archibald commented on how he “understood why pedophiles love kids”. Naturally this drew WTF’s and an overall sense of uneasiness by fellow coworkers and passerbys. In a futile attempt to defend his statement, Archi reeled “…no…well everyone likes things fresh. You can understand that right?” Keep in mind this conversation took place in a Vegas pool at 11am with kids frolicking left and right.

More recently the pedophile syndrome seemed to regain its momentum in the Toronto office when newcomer Jon “Shit Show” Schouten was caught consorting with a 15year old. Yes, in the office. Professionalism aside, Shit Show maintains that her true age was unbeknownst and any clear indicators thatshe was not of age were nonexistent. Except for the profuse usage of “like”, the young boyish figure and her obsession with Pete Wentz we couldn’t agree with Shit Show any more.

The icing on the cake though, came in the form of a lengthy letter mailed in by Shit Show’s debutante. Hand written, bubbly cursive and sealed in a one-off envelope made out of her math textbook, a 3 page heart to heart details this young girls undying love for Canada’s very own My-Little-Pony Cassanova. Love that young stuff?