Ruck Fussia

After reading my prediction that Zimbabwe is doomed, Russian politico Igor Panarin counters with the assertion that the USA is done for and it will soon split into 6 parts. You know what this means? More government!

Asked why he expected the U.S. to break up into separate parts, Panarin said: "A whole range of reasons. Firstly, the financial problems in the U.S. will get worse. Millions of citizens there have lost their savings. Prices and unemployment are on the rise. General Motors and Ford are on the verge of collapse, and this means that whole cities will be left without work. Governors are already insistently demanding money from the federal center. Dissatisfaction is growing, and at the moment it is only being held back by the elections and the hope that Obama can work miracles. But by spring, it will be clear that there are no miracles." He also cited the "vulnerable political setup", "lack of unified national laws", and "divisions among the elite, which have become clear in these crisis conditions." He predicted that the U.S. will break up into six parts - the Pacific coast, with its growing Chinese population; the South, with its Hispanics; Texas, where independence movements are on the rise; the Atlantic coast, with its distinct and separate mentality; five of the poorer central states with their large Native American populations; and the northern states, where the influence from Canada is strong. He even suggested that "we could claim Alaska - it was only granted on lease, after all."

Governor Palin, can't you do something about this Russian incursion into the American pysche? How stupid could we have been to let those Michiganders have control of all our cars.

God's Gift To Politics

This is what the Republican Party has done to us this year: It has placed within reach of the Oval Office a woman [Sarah Palin] who is a religious fanatic and a proud, boastful ignoramus. Those who despise science and learning are not anti-elitist. They are morally and intellectually slothful people who are secretly envious of the educated and the cultured. And those who prate of spiritual warfare and demons are not just "people of faith" but theocratic bullies. On Nov. 4, anyone who cares for the Constitution has a clear duty to repudiate this wickedness and stupidity.
~ Christopher Hitchens

What is the gift of the gods to which the subject refers? The return of Chris Hitchen's sanity perhaps or if you like Sarah Palin's emerging political prominence. It's your choice. Regardless, the first Tuesday of November is nearly upon us, so pray to the god of your covenience and keep your fingers crossed. After all tomorrow is another day.

What if Ike Turner Trashed America and No One Heard?

On the eve of another Debate, the fuckheads over at the campaigns of Obama & McCain brave on with insipid talk about each others past. The US financial crisis has turned to a world wide meltdown and Governor Palin can only gossip about Obama being within arms reach of Bill Ayres while the Democrats are in a tizzy about McCain's involvement in the Keating Five. LISTEN! If Democrats friendly with leftist professors and Republicans in bed with bankers is tipping point electoral news, god fucking help us. Any god!

This depressing and polarizing political yakity-yak has me on my heels so I propose we head for common ground. Natural disasters have a way of bringing out the best in humans once the whirlpools, tidal waves and fires have subsided.

This vast collection of images from Texas is fascinating in the way attack ads are, just more grounded in reality. And since the political climate demands we pin blame, I say Ike Turner is the perfect fall guy for this Gulf Coast destruction. Ike had a bit of a stormy side in life and perhaps like a vengeful Hindu god he reincarnated in the guise of a monster hurricane. Science Fiction has got nothing on the Hindu Pantheon. Perhaps we should have sacrificed Tina Turner in the face of the storm. It would have made very for great TV ratings and in the end a less divisive collective decision than this Election. Gods are you listening?

Beyond the Palin

When I was a kid having a beautiful but dumb gal on your arm was cool. Preferably one who didn’t ask too many questions. These dimwitted babes operated purely on emotion. Any discussion that didn’t involve tan lines or the temperature of Cold Duck was pointless. Sure there were dreamy reminisces of a hometown’s simplicities but mostly it was exactly like you would expect when dating a Kim Cattrall.

The worst of it was that these kittens never got jokes. And rehashing punch lines to even the most beautiful women is tedium. It takes the fun out of the funny. The endless explaining of the mechanics and irony and references of humor was the only thing that turned me away from a lifetime of free gas station credit card purchases and sex in public. I learned the long and hard way that smart women were more fun, though mind you I'm not complaining about the road traveled.



This leads to the reason why I'm worried about Sarah Palin. She’s got the babe part down and if elected will undoubtedly have the best tan lines to ever preside over the Senate. I just don’t know if she’s smart or not. And smarts is all I want in these people. She appears to have some verbal zingers in her quiver which is nice but she employs them solely in obfuscation or once in awhile in defending her home state’s dreamy simplicity. Palin’s quips never zing with the hum of substance but rather with a kind of hot for teacheresque BDSM. I'm afraid she's nothing more than generic republican emotion. Not being able to name any Supreme Court rulings or recall what she reads is weird but I'm more concerned that if she can't get a simple joke like "Why don’t women have brains?” we're truly doomed. So at tonite's Vice Presidential Debate, I hope Joe Biden tells Sarah Palin at least one joke for the good of the Union. I gotta know.

Punchline: cuz they don’t have a dick to put them in.

The Minnesota Independent put together a nice piece on Palin's religious extremism.