The Barack Hussein Obama Bin Laden Blues

Political Campaigns are about as exciting as crossword puzzles. For about 4 intense minutes you poke yourself in the head with a sharp pencil trying to decipher the game before realizing these people aren't using real words in the first place. So as the Campaigns are finally winding down we thought we'd take you back to our Unconventionally Yours versions of the Democrats and the Republicans clamoring for attention in 2008.

This, by the way is our good friend, Ralph Gean. He wrote The Barack Hussein Obama Bin Laden Blues with Hillary Clinton in mind but once she got shoved aside by Obama he changed the protagonist in the ditty to McCain. Lucky you John.

Presidential Debate Result: "That One"Takes The Cake

John Sidney McCain III can we please stop the insanity already? You're not in a the position to be giving Barack Hussein Obama great campaign tag lines!

What if Ike Turner Trashed America and No One Heard?

On the eve of another Debate, the fuckheads over at the campaigns of Obama & McCain brave on with insipid talk about each others past. The US financial crisis has turned to a world wide meltdown and Governor Palin can only gossip about Obama being within arms reach of Bill Ayres while the Democrats are in a tizzy about McCain's involvement in the Keating Five. LISTEN! If Democrats friendly with leftist professors and Republicans in bed with bankers is tipping point electoral news, god fucking help us. Any god!

This depressing and polarizing political yakity-yak has me on my heels so I propose we head for common ground. Natural disasters have a way of bringing out the best in humans once the whirlpools, tidal waves and fires have subsided.

This vast collection of images from Texas is fascinating in the way attack ads are, just more grounded in reality. And since the political climate demands we pin blame, I say Ike Turner is the perfect fall guy for this Gulf Coast destruction. Ike had a bit of a stormy side in life and perhaps like a vengeful Hindu god he reincarnated in the guise of a monster hurricane. Science Fiction has got nothing on the Hindu Pantheon. Perhaps we should have sacrificed Tina Turner in the face of the storm. It would have made very for great TV ratings and in the end a less divisive collective decision than this Election. Gods are you listening?

Beyond the Palin

When I was a kid having a beautiful but dumb gal on your arm was cool. Preferably one who didn’t ask too many questions. These dimwitted babes operated purely on emotion. Any discussion that didn’t involve tan lines or the temperature of Cold Duck was pointless. Sure there were dreamy reminisces of a hometown’s simplicities but mostly it was exactly like you would expect when dating a Kim Cattrall.

The worst of it was that these kittens never got jokes. And rehashing punch lines to even the most beautiful women is tedium. It takes the fun out of the funny. The endless explaining of the mechanics and irony and references of humor was the only thing that turned me away from a lifetime of free gas station credit card purchases and sex in public. I learned the long and hard way that smart women were more fun, though mind you I'm not complaining about the road traveled.



This leads to the reason why I'm worried about Sarah Palin. She’s got the babe part down and if elected will undoubtedly have the best tan lines to ever preside over the Senate. I just don’t know if she’s smart or not. And smarts is all I want in these people. She appears to have some verbal zingers in her quiver which is nice but she employs them solely in obfuscation or once in awhile in defending her home state’s dreamy simplicity. Palin’s quips never zing with the hum of substance but rather with a kind of hot for teacheresque BDSM. I'm afraid she's nothing more than generic republican emotion. Not being able to name any Supreme Court rulings or recall what she reads is weird but I'm more concerned that if she can't get a simple joke like "Why don’t women have brains?” we're truly doomed. So at tonite's Vice Presidential Debate, I hope Joe Biden tells Sarah Palin at least one joke for the good of the Union. I gotta know.

Punchline: cuz they don’t have a dick to put them in.

The Minnesota Independent put together a nice piece on Palin's religious extremism.

Like Protest?

Protest like these guys here